I haven't been this sober since birth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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