I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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