I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
cat food counts as protein by the way
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
