y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm bleeding and have questions
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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