nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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