eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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