Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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