did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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