bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
