so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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