I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
