i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
