Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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