he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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