We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
