i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
