So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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