so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
