I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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