Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
