Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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