The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
