I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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