i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
