Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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