he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Im part way to drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
