Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
