we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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