...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You are the jesus of drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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