i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
