just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
