oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize