Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
