Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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