i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
