can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
