God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
