im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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