Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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