just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
