i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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