Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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