Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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