I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
