But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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