I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
