1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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