rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
