yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
