chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
