I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
