I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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