Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
