So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
