That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Enjoy the penises
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
