The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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