I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize