he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
