I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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