yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
