I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
