I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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