I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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