Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
