I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
