Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
