I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
