When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
